With life mostly. But really cranky and annoyed. I feel like a dark cloud is just lingering over me and the result is of me being annoyed. Annoyed with what?
Annoyed that I can’t find Christmas cards that fit last years card in them (they were photo cards with pretty wedding pictures on them that I never got around to sending last year for the same reason that I’m procrastinating this year). Annoyed that we couldn’t seem to agree on how the Christmas lights should go on the tree.
Annoyed that sometimes I wish my husband would just do more – do more to find a job, do more around the house. Annoyed that I feel like I’m working my ass off – oh wait I am, and I feel like he doesn’t do enough. Annoyed that we’re not unpacked yet.
Annoyed that we have no money to go Christmas shopping. Like my wish list? There’s not much on it, but what is on it is a bit pricey, thus I’m realistic. While my husband hopes and dreams for an iPad and a Kindle, I can barely stand to browse amazon for all the books I would like to buy, and don’t even get me started on nordstrom, I really want a Tory Burch Wallet – especially since my JCrew wallet has seen many better days.
Annoyed that my dog is still crazy and she’s just generally overwhelming me. I feel like we’re over our head, she’s costing us a lot of money we don’t have (she just broke 2 more teeth on her crate!), and I’m losing patience. Yet, I’m the bad guy for even thinking there might be a better place for her.
Annoyed that I feel like I don’t have a social life. Not that I’ve really had one since we left DC. But I’m so close to so many great friends, and I feel like I have no time to see them.
Annoyed that I’m losing motivation for my 30 day challenge. I’m 3 days behind. Today I went to a yoga class that was just…not good. Seriously. It was not good. I can’t even talk about it.
Annoyed that I’m annoyed and am not in the holiday spirit when I feel like I should be.
Maybe I can chalk it up to PMS but I dunno, I feel like even trying to pretend that I’m okay is exhausting all of a sudden. I’m tired. On the verge of a breakdown – similar to the one I had to my sister this weekend when all I could do was cry because how the hell did I get here? How is this my life?
Yet, despite the good holiday memories, especially the ones with Hubs over the past few years, I remember all the disappointment from Christmas’s past, and maybe this Scrooge-ness is of my own making, and reminiscing on the disappointments and letting the negativity linger is just my way of not dealing with shit.
So on that note, I’m just going to say it. Maybe this’ll make me feel better.
/end annoyed rant