Confession….I’m not in love with breastfeeding.
Ethan and I have not had a great journey. There have been days when I’ve wanted to just give up. More than I’d like to admit.
The warm fuzzies? Haven’t ever really been there. There’s always been a bit of reluctance on his part – he’s not the type of baby who will happily stay latched for long periods of time until he’s off into a happy state of milky drunkenness. First it was that my nipples were too flat and we used a nipple shield which was just…messy and frustrating. As many advised, he weaned off of it around 8-10 weeks. Then came the latching which was okay, but he’s push away with a force I didn’t know he had in him.
The other night before bed, he hardly nursed at all and just kind of screamed the entire time. If there’s anything more heart wrenching than a crying baby, it’s a crying baby who won’t eat what you’re feeding him. It was like this much of the past few days and I’m torn about where to go from here.
I wrote a couple months ago about what people don’t tell you. The tears, the pain, difficulties.
Here’s another thing that people don’t tell you that’s been in discussion a lot lately, the judgement.
People don’t tell you that you’ll be judged in Target when you try to subtly nurse your child.
They don’t tell you that people will deny you entry into public places (illegally might we add) and call the cops on you for feeding your child.
They don’t tell you that you will be publicly scorned on an airplane for feeding your child in front of another child.
They don’t tell you that you’ll feel bad when you just get so tired you want to give up and it will through all of your emotions for a loop.
Instead, you find a community of women, who are passionate, educated and inspiring who make you want to keep going because you know this is what’s best for your baby.
Instead, you participate in an amazing community event where the love and warm fuzzies you’ve been wanting to feel for four months – they finally rear their warm, fuzzy heads and you look down at your baby in a crowd of 130+ other nursing mamas and feel the strongest sense of love and pride in what you’re providing for your child.
Thankfully, it’s not a journey I’m ready to give up on yet. There will certainly be bad days, every journey has bad days right? There will likely be nursing strikes, biting (he’s learned to clamp down, not fun. Not fun at all.), distractions, and then some.
Seeing my boy grow, every day, getting bigger and bigger because of my nursing him, and feeding him my milk is so rewarding and amazing and makes the whole rocky journey worth continuing on.
How long will I nurse? I don’t know. Six months? A year? Who knows how long we’ll be on this journey but we’re back in gear, and we’re both in it for the long haul.
In case you weren’t aware – World Breastfeeding Week is from Aug 1- Aug 7, 2013!