I had all of these amazing things I wanted to write about. I have running goals, and I was prepared to talk about the amazing experience I had mentoring my fantastic 10k group. I was ready to run a PR for my last race of the season. I was co-hosting a sprinkle for one of my dearest friends in DC this weekend and was ready to spend Thanksgiving with the same close friends at their new, beautiful home.
But life has a funny way of throwing a wrench into even the best of plans.
My grandmother had been suffering Alzheimers for the better part of the past four – five years. Among many other things. Late last week, she took a serious turn for the worse.
I was unable to make it to Vermont this past weekend (life, two year old, money…you name it), and Tuesday over lunch, as I was about to get out of my car to run in to grab food, my cousin called and told me simply, choking out tears, “she’s gone.”
My heart shattered. I felt crushed. I knew this was coming but nothing prepared me for the realization that I would never give her a big hug, or hear her laugh or see her smile. I don’t think anything can prepare you for losing a loved one – no matter how long they’ve been sick.
Nana, you are forever loved. You will be forever missed. All of the lessons I learned from you from cooking, cleaning, canning and dancing..etc… etc…I will hold dearly and pass on to my own children. I am blessed to have known you and for having had the best Nana I could have asked for for 32 years of my life. You were a cheerleader – standing out in inclement weather to cheer all of your grandchildren on through sports – hockey, football, track and field and sitting through hours of concerts, recitals and plays. You nursed us to health – sitting with us on our sick beds in hospitals, while we were laid up on your sofa, and you let us take over your bed when we were ill. You stood up for us – even to strangers. You were proud, you never held grudges (even when you could have), you loved all of us – your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren – unconditionally – even when we didn’t always deserve it.
And we did that for you. Above all other lessons, you taught us the meaning of love and family.
I couldn’t be with you in your final weeks/days, but I prayed for you. Hearing one of your favorite communion songs, one that you once told me reminded you of Great Grandma (your mother) broke me down in church just this past Sunday. As if we all knew, that any day you would leave us behind.
I know you’re looking over me Nana. Give me strength; give all of us strength because our lives will never be the same without you in it. I love you and I will always love you.
Rest peacefully Nana.
My pseudo-regular blogging will return from somewhere up north next week. To those of you stopping in from the Blog-Hop – thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I promise to return all comments in the coming days and I have loved swinging by ALL of your blogs – even if I didn’t comment (most I did!).